Data Corruption

I'm not sure I can think of any post more appropriate for Mini Nerd than this one; we truly are in the final stretch of what this blog could ever hope to accomplish.

Once you've reached apotheosis, where else is there to go, really?

















Thanks to Dan for the links.

Bested

I didn't think it was possible, but the greatest website of all time has been topped:

http://andheneverwilldies.ytmnd.com/

Oh, Ahnuldt. You complete me.

(Thanks to Jason for the link.)

(See also Eeuauaughhh)

Poetic Justice?

You decide.

(Thanks to Curtis for the pic.)

(And welcome to Post #200! Only 32 more to go...)

Easy Commute

Earlier this year, I enjoyed making my way to work by bicycle.

These days, I utilize three transit systems: bus, train and subway in sequence.

It's really not as bad as I expected. I like having an extra hour to sleep, read and people-watch.

Still: this might be better.



I wonder how the concept of carpooling manifests in this transportation model?

Mini Shillelaghs

Top search terms finding Mini Nerd this week:

red tube of car fack
super blothos
dave roberts label company
green day song that goes like da, dunna, dunna dunna dunna
sex on bus
free filth tube
barney noggin
how to make a mini diving board
dark mini gams
reese's whips minis nutritional info
steve reese ufo
knicker knacker song barney
mini shillelaghs
dion phaneuf a jerk high school
trap jaw chunkity

And my favorite:

nega filth meaning

A delightful series of tubes!

Keep On Turnin'

Ah, karma.

You're a bitch. And a queen.

Allow me to complain and pay tribute.

End of summer was one giant shitshow for me and mine. Hopefully what 2008 has left to offer turns it around. To get things started, I begin a new job in a few hours. Last time I worked in Toronto was oh, nigh on 12 years ago, and then it was on worlds and creatures that now populate the novel I'm struggling to finish.

This time it's for a client that was my bread and butter when I first put words to screen for that same novel (i.e. more than one circle is closed today). It's yet another reminder - and my only consolation, at the moment - that the wheel does turn. Madame Karma remembers, and rewards or punishes as she sees fit.

I've had my share of both.

And, nuff respek to CCR for the title of this post, but I leave it to songstress Alison Goldfrapp (whom I didn't see perform last night), to bring 'er home:

"Everything comes around
Bringing us back again
Here is where we start
And where we end."

The Future Is NOW

Eff the iPhone. I want this thing:



1984 Wrist Computer

Thanks to Dave for the laugh!

The Search For Schlock

Top search terms finding Mini Nerd this week:

filthy tube
board brothers
miniature nerds
wheelchair person wear pointe shoes
carolyn reese dungeon
sand via blothos
witchery grubs for teething
what is night monkey celebration
anonymous types e.row.dataitem
who needs a cactus chip and dip
masterpagemenuclickhandler
give virtual nerds makeovers
mininerd.com
red tube nerd
cinder nerd
make own mini bike
domain house of the week drew thompson
she got my mind gone raw reese
likin gams
im not gonna write you a love song steve reese
give me some more of the warm little beasts, i'm so fond off
metal deer head, metal stag head
tacklak basher
tukx tube
red tube filth
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i was fired twice
barney comic but you said you'd always love me
stephen reese water
blothos device

An effective series of tubes!

Shoot To Fill

I am Dmitri Pablos El Grapos and I approve this message.

The Burger Body

Actual headline from MSN Health & Fitness:

Caveat Empty

I make my living in advertising, a trusted and respectable industry. But I did not have the pleasure of writing these promotions:



And they're even happier they discovered this fine meal-chaser:



The cigarette ads, of course, are of unquestionable repute:







Thanks to Carolyn's Mom for the scans!

This Today

For me, May was a quiet month. But around me, things moved.

B's romantic journey cross-country has changed shape. K's journey out of country may help her shape-shift as well. Shan's too, I'd wager. Tans has a new home, and new work to give. Trevs finished his Chapter 11. My book did a dipsy-doodle on me. Rich Wilkins passed away. Sebastian Roberts was born.

In the wake of it all, I'm left feeling kind of raw, more emotional than I've been since...well, since last May - when I was the one in flux. At times like these, I don't have the right words. Thankfully, when words fail, there are sounds.

So here's a song that grew out of last month and came to its close at the beginning of this one. It's been a year since I smashed some musical notes together. About time, I say.

And to be honest, it doesn't look like the world's gonna stand still outside me anytime soon. Change is coming. Change is here. Change is eternal.

To This Day

Eeuauaughhh

Arguably the best website ever created:

http://eeuauaughhhuauaahh.ytmnd.com/

Thanks to Dan for the link.

We're All It

Tagged by Kerrie with this bit of navel-gazing. Consider yourself tagged too. I'm an innie, and here's my lint:

Where did your last kiss take place?
In an aeroport.

Who knows a secret or two about you?
Most folk.

Three words to explain why you last threw up:
Beer, wine, gin.

Have you ever burned yourself?
Mostly the sun does that.

What's crazy to you?
Inattention.

Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?
Nobody.

Would you ever want to be a model?
Not really.

Do you tell white lies?
Only to protect.

When is your next party?
Tomorrow night.

Who do you want to be with right now?
Myself.

How do you handle a break up?
Make new stuff.

Your motivation for tomorrow?
Do my best.

Last person to hurt you?
Shannanigans.

Last person to make you laugh?
Doogie.

Have you ever cleaned up someone else's vomit?
Nope.

One best friend or 10 aquaintances?
All of the above.

Favorite food?
Pizza.

Most favorite person?
Too many to choose from.

Are you an emotional person?
Sure.

Do you like your name?
Yep.

Do you dance naked in your room at night?
No, but I critique my reflection.

Biggest fear?
Fear.

Favorite place to be?
Happy.

Do you hate anybody?
Nah.

Does anyone hate you?
So I've been told.

How many people do you trust fully?
Probably too many.

Low-Ride Or No Ride

Sentence of the day:

High-waisted pants are so not the bomb.

AWWWWWWWWWWWW NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Fool For February

This about sums up last month for me:



In retrospect it was pretty interesting, I suppose - but I could do with a few less blunders for March.

We'll see if the universe agrees.

Notes To Self

1) Do not people-watch while riding your bike at night.

1a) You can prevent damage to the paintjob of a parked car by throwing your hands out to deflect your bike away from the vehicle as you discover you're headed straight for it with no time to make a course correction. This results in your body being thrown to the asphalt and your bike clattering underneath the endangered car. It also results in an embarrassed "No really, I'm good." to the bemused couple who were the subject of your sideways glance-to-sidewalk seconds earlier.

2) Do not brake when you jump a curb to avoid splashing a puddle.

2a) The speed at which you get to your feet and put your sunglasses back on after the resulting head-over-handlebars is directly proportional to the ability of concerned motorists to believe you are okay and get on with their morning business.

3) The third crash in this trilogy has yet to occur, but I'll make a guess at what follows:

3a) Wear a helmet, jackass.

Owwww

Dave climbed a volcano in Portugal with his wife and her relatives. He has an amazing tale to tell about it, involving the overnight survival of sub-zero temperatures when a tremendous storm traps his group at mountain-top.

Unfortunately, he won't let me say more than that until he records the story himself. I hope to offer it here at Mini Nerd soon.

In the meantime, I believe my subconscious was looking for something even slightly worthy of mention alongside Dave's extreme and extraordinary experience. Best I can do is neither unexpected nor uncommon: getting sick wasted on a Friday night in Cowtown.

It's been a hard week. But one shouldn't mix beer with gin with sake, only eating raw fish (which makes me gag ordinarily) at the end of several hours of this behavior. One also shouldn't try their first cigarette during such a marathon session, but I did all of the above and more and found myself hunched over a public sink purging former sea-dwellers, what was left of Sylvie's cake, and assorted/unidentified brackish sludge that could very well be whatever my unsuspecting lungs inhaled earlier - and I must say, nicotine produces a unique and satisfying buzz, sort of puffy and smooth in the head. I immediately wanted more of the same.

I write all this not to gross you out but because life makes for fun material and I process things with words. That said: though I'm not curled over a befouled sink any longer, my tingling hands, pasty complexion, and the unpleasantly throbbing gristle of my head and neck require more than paragraphs to be banished. So I'm off to the diner to do the deed with greasy sausage (always an effective hangover cure) and runny eggs.

Kind, kind thanks to Jon and Crista for sticking by me in extremis, talking me out of the baffroom and hastily-closing sushi shack, hailing a cab while I crouched, and showing an overall care and diligence with this drunkard I was most grateful to benefit from.

I'll get that Underworld for you by Tuesday, Jon, mark my words.

Lastly, apologies to Sunny - with whom I would have scaled my own excuse for a volcano out in Kananaskis this morning if I could have at least walked upright.

A distinguished start to the long weekend!