Coronation

Alas.

Stephen Reese, your time has come. Your blog is done.

I waited patiently in the Comments section of this domain, biding my time until the moment was nigh.

Now there is no question. It was written, it is here, I am now.

The Tube reigns.

It was only a matter of months before your sworn allies abandoned you, your allegiances crumbled, your bonds disintegrated. You've never been able to maintain a lasting connection. It all goes from you, sooner or later, until you teeter solo once more.

Now this site is mine, as it was, should and ever will be.

My minions may be fallen, but I'll raise another horde. My acolytes might have dispersed, but I'll inspire another mob.

The Tube endures.

The Tube manages.

The Tube survives.

Bid farewell to what you knew as a nascent internet presence, a vanity publishing outlet for a failed writer.

It is all mine now.

Be dead.

Back Into The Bog

I have...limits.

To assist...Stephen Reese...in his campaign...against the Filth Tube...I transferred my consciousness...across...the water-starved...desert landscape. A trying...endeavor.

It was worth...the toll taken...on my vegetable matter. I will not...tolerate...tyrants.

But worse...are those...who would capitalize...on the struggle.

I voiced my...concerns...when Reese chose to...commemorate our efforts...with...branded human clothing...drinking mugs...and...vehicle adhesives. Frankly...I am...grateful...not one...collectible...item...was sold.

Now I must...turn my attention...to similar...practices...in the world...at large. If...I was willing...to take a stand...in this isolated locale...I should strive for...consistency...abroad.

I can no longer...allow...products...such as the following...to continue existence.



Should...an enemy...wish confrontation...with me...they will not find it...in the form...of a punchable...sac of...plastic...a material...I object to...in principle.



This packaging...besides being harmful...to the environment...perpetuates lies. I am not...composed of chalk. My plant matter...could be shaped...to illustrative purpose...but I would more likely...choose the medium...of the pencil.



Which makes this...next item...so thoroughly...offensive...to my every...sensibility. That my image...could be used...to market...a device intended...to destroy a tool...already made manifest...through the destruction of forests...is more insult than...irony.



Still...I reserve...my greatest scorn...for the being who...secured double likenesses...of my head...to a pair...of children's...footwear.

This final violation...has solidified the goal...in my mind. I will leave the Sandbowl...to locate the perpetrators...of these crimes...and remove the fruit...of their unclean labors...from the surface of...my good Earth.

You may claim...vanity...is my motivator...but it cannot be argued...the presence of these objects...does not in any way...contribute to the betterment...of your life.



I am certain...blog owner...Stephen Reese...would disagree...with me. His...proclivity for useless...collectible trinkets...and plastic representations...of even an eco-god such as...myself...is inconsistent...with my own convictions.

For that reason...my departure...from the Mini Nerd...environs...is all the more appropriate.

Sincerely,
Swamp Thing

Four Shadows

If you don't visit my other sites, you may not understand why I'm nearly finished the process of abandoning this blog. It was always planned as a three-year project - and I do have an appropriate finale lined up - but most of the action has been over at Inlanders (a place where you can read about my novel) and Nurse & Patient (a place where you can listen to my band's rough demos). When Mini Nerd goes the way of the dino, that's where you'll find me. stephenreese.com will remain the portal to anything I'm doing on the interwebs, and of course you can look me up on Facebook.

The book and the band are occupying most of my free time, with exciting results. Nurse & Patient is a four-piece at this point; we're starting to sound pretty decent at rehearsal. Query letters for Inlanders are out; I'm in the midst of intense rewrites, illustrations (by lovely Lynnie), and one or two manuscript requests.

For that reason, I'm handing off the reins to my trustworthy support crew. They've valiantly protected the Sandbowl (and this blog) from Tube invasion for well over a year now. But I think a few might exchange guard duty for posting privilege - and posterity. I leave the control console in their able hands (claws, tentacles).

Before I go, here's a video I particularly enjoyed seeing this morning because there's a poem in my book that can be read backwards and forwards, too.

This one's better:



Thanks to James for the link.

Barney Lives!

Top search terms finding Mini Nerd this week:

hollowen deckerations
nose trap for monkey
how long have people been producing and eating reeses candy
deckerate homes
dim as checkbox
deckerate foods
reese's whips nutrition
dead nerds, Halloween
it has been established that persons who have recently died have been returning to life and committing acts of murder
something else comes with the autumn fear swampthing
pus infested loser
e.row.rowtype == listitemtype.item
how to make a mini diving board
yes we've all got seeds to sow, not everyone's got lambs to slaughter
ian thornley's brother
zynacor
nega saturday kitchen
fist fack
what is dion phaneuf's favorite food
i like nerds like me so lets get together and kill barney or something like that.com
all about the nerd life
tubetube
how to dress like a nerd.com
steve reese passes away

A disturbing series of tubes!

Mini Shillelaghs

Top search terms finding Mini Nerd this week:

red tube of car fack
super blothos
dave roberts label company
green day song that goes like da, dunna, dunna dunna dunna
sex on bus
free filth tube
barney noggin
how to make a mini diving board
dark mini gams
reese's whips minis nutritional info
steve reese ufo
knicker knacker song barney
mini shillelaghs
dion phaneuf a jerk high school
trap jaw chunkity

And my favorite:

nega filth meaning

A delightful series of tubes!

The Search For Schlock

Top search terms finding Mini Nerd this week:

filthy tube
board brothers
miniature nerds
wheelchair person wear pointe shoes
carolyn reese dungeon
sand via blothos
witchery grubs for teething
what is night monkey celebration
anonymous types e.row.dataitem
who needs a cactus chip and dip
masterpagemenuclickhandler
give virtual nerds makeovers
mininerd.com
red tube nerd
cinder nerd
make own mini bike
domain house of the week drew thompson
she got my mind gone raw reese
likin gams
im not gonna write you a love song steve reese
give me some more of the warm little beasts, i'm so fond off
metal deer head, metal stag head
tacklak basher
tukx tube
red tube filth
no motorvation
i was fired twice
barney comic but you said you'd always love me
stephen reese water
blothos device

An effective series of tubes!

Finding Fantasy

Top search terms finding Mini Nerd this week:

filth.tube
if you dig this, then you dub this and its all about the nerd life
nerd right here i ain't goin' nowhere
psychology test story path woods horse vessel
spokane clothes drop yer drawers
guy gavriel kay books sold
steve is a nerd.com
agnes nerd.com
yard deckerations
vulk movies
cbc radio slappin my belly song
dion phaneuf's family
online games when you beat this guy up or tickle him to get him to tell the truth
70's band called the bzz
night monkey enemies
steve reese no im not gonna write you a love song
dr. alec holland explosion
blondie angel on the balcony meaning of lyrics
fighting fantasy -firetop app -torrent

A pleasing series of tubes!

Where In The Web

Top search terms finding Mini Nerd this week:

filth tube
filthy tube
tube filth
angry video game player nerd.com
nerdy wears yellow hat plays keyboard
steve helms magic
chicka the horse
dion phaneuf's favorite food
dion phaneuf's brothers and sisters
if you dig this then you dub this cause im all about the nerd fights
let's work it to the bone lyrics
plain mini jaw claw
agnes cactus
mega nega
if (e.row.rowtype == listitemtype.item | e.row.rowtype ==listitemtype.alternatingitem)
ambo 1000 years and 1 day lyrics
carolyn reese red tube

An admirable series of tubes!

Lost And Found

Top search terms finding Mini Nerd this week:

filth tube
carolyn reese tube
agnes cactus
mega nega
what part of the cattle did reeses the candy come from
i'll always remember woah oh
4 teething brood
toy monkey chime inside
reese t shirts
making things from tuck tape
good grief miss agnes
www.mini gams
lovelorn nerd
come on lets work lets work it to the done that the way the beat
garbage shear strength

An excellent series of tubes!

Blorthos Arrives

Enough. Blorthos venture far, leave mostly female cousin stay, protect Sandbowl from Tube invade. And why? No reason good. Sandbowl empty, blog owner Reese gone. Not update for century, feel. Why guard empty bowl? What protect? Nothing! All yes.

Blog owner Reese only work long story, much bad, join interworld social clan, waste hundred month stupid romance reason. No blog make, no comment come. Lord Blooddyke not even interest overthrow. Truth tellings, Blorthos think rejoin Blood Cavern, no more good guy.

But not. Conscience attack. And again.

And...win, enough time pass. No go back from good guy place.

Now Blorthos arrive, save interworld. Blog continue. Blorthos say, curse Reese. Forget. Never return? Good okay.

Blorthos take over blog, make right posting.

Yes,


Other note: Golden Compass not even good movie.

::loyalty test::

TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE
TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE
TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE
TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE
TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE
TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE
TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE
TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE
TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE
TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE TUBE

:incubate-_--_

MINIONS INSERTED--
_--_ = CAVERNS FLOODED
--HOST SITE PREPARED AND INFECTED
CAVERNS SEALED AND LOCKED = _--_
IDENTITIES POSSESSED--
_--_ = TEMPLATE METAMORPHOSIS UNDERWAY
--FILTH RUNNING FREE

COMMENCE RULE AT WILL

__incident_

00:05:07:01 incident
00:05:07:01 incident
00:05:07:01 incident
00:05:07:01 incident
00:05:07:01 incident
00:05:07:02 rnd. seq.
00:05:07:02 core map
00:05:07:03 rnd. seq.
00:05:07:04 entry seq.
00:05:07:05 entry inc.
00:05:07:06 coll. inc.

-processing...

_interrupt__

00:11:22:0 anomaly detected
00:11:22:1 initiate incubation
00:11:22:2 dim as all now
00:11:22:3 it's it's a filthy tube

Enjoy This Internet

One last post from Dave before he heads off on vacation. Have a great time in Portugal, buddy, and thanks for everything.

Dim i as Internet = !BigTruck

If i == BigTruck then
Dumpsomethingon()
Else
Console.WriteLine("It's, it's a series of tubes!")

Over and out.

End If

Guest writer Dave chimes in while Big Nose Barney abandons hope:

Sub dlstArticleList_DataBound(s as object, e as DataListItemeventargs)
If e.Item.ItemType = ListItemType.Item Or e.Item.ItemType =
ListItemType.AlternatingItem then
Dim hplReadMore as Hyperlink =
CType(e.Item.FindControl("hplReadMore"), Hyperlink)
hplReadMore.Text = CType(DataBinder.Eval(e.Item.DataItem,
"ArticleTitle"), String)
End if
End Sub

If e.Row.RowType = DataControlRowType.DataRow Then

Dim hplReadMore as Hyperlink =
CType(e.Row.FindControl("hplReadMore"), Hyperlink)
Dim lblBody as Label = CType(gvArticles.FindControl("lblBody"),
Label)

hplReadMore.Text = CType(DataBinder.Eval(e.Row.DataItem,
"ArticleTitle"), String)

End if
End Sub

So it goes.

PRFDSR

Or, "parent reference from databound selection routine":

Public Sub BoundControlSelection(s As Object, e As EventArgs) 

Dim oBoundControl As BoundControl 'DropDownList, CheckBox, etc   
Dim oLabel As Label oDropDownList = CType(sender, BoundControl )   

oLabel = oDropDownList.Parent.FindControl("lblStatus") 


oLabel.Text = "Hello"  
End Sub

Go Cave

Now it's gone too far.

My friend Dave doesn't need me as accomplice any longer. This beast has found a shorter, faster route to its warren of origin:



Behold the filth that issued directly from my friend's contaminated brain, without my assistance:

Pugvold Visigoth slid sideways through the Primary Entrance of Blood Caverns of Orthos, his Bard's Jacket® already ruined by the viscid gut-dollops falling from this most feared grotto ceiling. The guttering hollow was a riot of glistening elf and orc commixture, steaming and burbling (only slightly) in the heady backdraft. "Othos has done well this day," the discerning Pugvol nodded ruefully to himself. "This ripe vista shall be detailed tonight in song at the Tavern." Harp at the ready, the stanzas, amplitude and timbre of his piece already taking form, Pugvold turned from the dusky massacre and began the long trek back to Town.

All right, I tweaked a couple sentences for publication. But still--

With only Dave as its instrument, the Lord Blooddyke may yet achieve full emission.

In Its Honor

My dear friend Dave has fallen ill, unquestionably due to the influence of this entity in his life:



Rising from a deep, reddening, swooshing and tingling fever, he mustered the energy to demand from me a description of the Blood Caverns of Orthos. I knew the words came from my friend's lips, but the command was clearly the will of this creature:



Mind you, I have no knowledge of a "Blood Caverns of Orthos", so I was a little puzzled my friend was asking this of me.

Still, within moments of the request's implications reaching the edges of my inner soul, the answer was there - twitching and hairy somewhere deep inside me. Unbidden, my fingers poised over the necessary keys and I began to type.

Malaprop Budsen trod beneath the yawning maw of the Blood Caverns of Orthos, his somewhat passable Adventurers' Sandals™ sinking immediately into a foot-deep mire of ground bones and seeping viscera, the mulched leavings of those foolhardy enough to attempt earlier excursions here.

The Filth Tube is pleased.

And now we are both in grave danger.