Off The Wall

Stephen here, stopping in for a moment (and thanks, Blorthos, for looking after the blog - I appreciate it. The long story, much bad, ain't done yet).

For now, you gotta check these guys out:





Thanks to Clem for the links!

Blorthos Responds

I am Blorthos Malamakk. You are not. So, I answer mail.

Dear Blorthos,

You missed Tukx's birthday. That's the second year in a row. Yes, Tukx. Remember him? He looks like this:



You might notice the resemblance to me. That's because we have the same mother. She's asked I not send a picture of her, but if that thick skull of yours needs its usual swift kick to start some "memorizings", think back about twenty-five years to Silvermoon, deep in Murder Row, a tavern open late, a little too much ale, and boof! Nine months later, out drop Tukx and I.

Somehow I doubt we were the only ones dropped. In fact, I know for sure. You see, I've taken the liberty of starting an ongoing research project. Because it's rude to miss someone's birthday. Especially if you're responsible for their birth.

Look. I know you're a visual sort, so I've included lots of pictures. You don't have to read all the words. Just try to pronounce the names, and maybe have someone write down the spellings. And the dates. Don't forget the dates. Those are important.

It's not too much to ask, is it? Why not put some effort into an internet website for beings who are actually related to you? You're a minotaur of means. Spare a few gold once in a while and send something nice to those who'll survive you in these feral warrens. At the very least, grunt a token hello or flare your nostrils in interest. It's the thought that counts.

I'll be adding to the list as I find more. Don't take that as an invitation to add to my workload. For the sake of creatures already in this world, and others yet unborn, you might consider maintaining that male pride of yours without retaining the oft-used equipment between your fuzzy loins. There's no shame in a judicious neutering. We're family. We can keep a secret.

Don't make me come out to that dingy little "Sandbowl" you're hiding in with all my brothers and sisters in tow. I know how much you hate parties. Still, there are ways to show you care without providing hospitality for all 112 of us...and counting.

I suggest you make use of them.

Your daughter,
Lindinha



(And all the rest.)


Daughter,

You Blorthos daughter?

Tukx girl too?

Feh!

Can't remember make lovings with blood elf. Strange creature have almost no hair, not appeal.

But do like ale. Maybe happen.

And. If daughter, should not talk this way to father. Want gift? Show respect. Obey wishings of elder, maybe get carings. Not forget, Blorthos flare nostril when think right - not ever else.

Stop cry, weak lady. Father firm. And Blorthos see now, lady get some trait from him.

Blorthos agree read your interworld scroll. Meet many by-blow, if force. Father spread much lovings in lands afar, so probably true your list.

But. How dare suggest stop rutting practice? Blorthos army continue, grow larger. One day, daughter, family rule universe.

For now, Sandbowl nice kingdom. Quiet here. No stupid peoples ruin nap time.

Okay come visit.

Carings,

Blorthos Resolves

I am Blorthos Malamakk. You are not. So, I tell you how fix.

Your life bad? No concern. Interworld scroll-reader, time for make resolvings in fresh year. Blorthos suggest many, do some. If fail, prepare for dying.

1) Sometime, let enemy live.
Not always necessary rip bowel and brain from attacking opponent. Maybe remove jaw, cripple one leg not two. Even break part of paw, remove biggest claw not other. All better than total end. Beast have chance think on poor choice, embark new livings. World improve? Wait, see.

2) Not keep every loot.
Stupid think backpack have not bottom. When item obvious not fit, like small Terrible Cauldron, pass magical lady, say what is? or even keep, wench. Make magics in useless bucket, give strength Blorthos. Or name you, not Blorthos. Scroll-reader probably weaker anyway.

2) Practice new skill.
Blorthos know. Make musical sound with mouth, say many word in tavern, strum Taugrim-gut device produce melody noises much tiresome, yes. But. If look at different, maybe bard not deserve swift kill. Instead let teach dumb tool of harmonizings, try self. Could help eat, drink no gold lost.

3) Let deer graze peaceful.
Many year pass Blorthos kill each deer seen on forest land. Four-leg stand still seem say, come all, thrust sharp pike in fur, great depth achieved, red fountain spray out other side. Ahhh. Yes, though. Deer only want grass in belly, not effective weapon throw well and hard. Consider slowly.

4) Wear good hat.
No item begin fresh year better than careful choosing proper head vessel. Blorthos now recommend comfort instead frequent impalement option. Antler-stylings for year last, much past. Farblachht agree. All should put soft Vulk-hide foldings on top horn, skull ridgings. Could add feather. Look!




Hope stay alive for year again,

Blorthos Arrives

Enough. Blorthos venture far, leave mostly female cousin stay, protect Sandbowl from Tube invade. And why? No reason good. Sandbowl empty, blog owner Reese gone. Not update for century, feel. Why guard empty bowl? What protect? Nothing! All yes.

Blog owner Reese only work long story, much bad, join interworld social clan, waste hundred month stupid romance reason. No blog make, no comment come. Lord Blooddyke not even interest overthrow. Truth tellings, Blorthos think rejoin Blood Cavern, no more good guy.

But not. Conscience attack. And again.

And...win, enough time pass. No go back from good guy place.

Now Blorthos arrive, save interworld. Blog continue. Blorthos say, curse Reese. Forget. Never return? Good okay.

Blorthos take over blog, make right posting.

Yes,


Other note: Golden Compass not even good movie.

Blorthos Reviews

I am Blorthos Malamakk. You are not. So, I tell you what good.

Time of year now done when famous human win prize for making movie other famous human like. Unfamous human talk winner of prize for hundred month still after. Finally shut up. Now Blorthos say what movie real best from year gone. Some reservation, most fine. Listen much, or could die.

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN'S CHEST



Too many human in movie. Human talking everywhere. All time take away from true hero, sea-lord Dave Jone. See great beast caress organ key with tentacle sucker, heart near split asunder. Perform great emotion Jone, but even more Kraken display fine boat-crush skill, human-slaughter also. And! Many my cousin appear on Jone boat, crew extra. Hello!

RATING: 2 CUTLASS

SILENT HILL



This art movie, maybe Farblachht like better. Still, close friend Pyramid Head make decent showing, rip total skin off human cultist. Ash-baby too cute for real scare effect. Mostly human finish all job start by better actor. Tear witch between leg with barb wire, should do by zombie nurse. Or let toilet demon beat police-girl to die with metal pipe.

RATING: 2 DAGGER, 1 SWORD

SLITHER



Blorthos not big fan romance laughter, but make exception for touching movie. Nice space squid land on Earth, only want make life with okay female accept every difference. No. Low-education human must start kill all squid race, no regard love among specie. Young human solve mystery, all hero die. Pah. Maybe more tragic story, romance doom ever. Still good.

RATING: 3 RIFLE

THE DESCENT



Ah! Now getting good. Stupid human deserve punish for cave home invasion, no invite. And get punish! Many fine actor pull innard from rude tunnel-crawler, but save worse for last, let kill over dumb romance reason. Accent human make best version revenge, cold human in north see too. Warmonger south human get soft easy ending, how make sense?

RATING: 4 GRAPPLE HOOK

THE HOST



And. Best movie of year. Beautiful superstar arrive east human river, make nest, stock underground cupboard wise for cold. Some food small enough and escape, but too late. HAHA! Human family hunt shining creature, not too bad. If only beast have family with also, then fair fight. But! Sad ending even give hope, many human dead for kill great talent.

RATING: 5 BOW AND ARROW

See good movie,

Nerd Summit

Site's been quiet, but the weekend was anything but.

Mini Nerd co-founder and Chief Technology Officer David Roberts was here visiting from Ontari-ario. We managed to cram in a business meeting and two family visits between excessive geeking-out, watching lots of Deadwood, cheering obnoxiously for the Leafs AND the Flames, playing multiple chess games (all of which I lost), reuniting with old friends on Facebook, checking in on Dave's wife (and the upcoming spawn in her belly that was responsible for Dave's quick visit here and now before it's born and prevents our hanging out for 20 years), plus the conspicuous consumption of fine scotch, beer and wine. I also drug Dave around Cowtown on foot while grabbing groceries, seeing the doctor, applying for a passport, and getting my rear bike wheel switched from Tacx-compatibility to road-readiness (of course, it's winter here again and snow now drapes the streets afresh).

Last but most notably, Dave (never a cook in the past) taught me his wife's pad thai recipe (which was delicious), got my wireless internet working (FINALLY), and helped me celebrate the first birthday of Mini Nerd (30 March, dontcha know). We've revamped the site's look for spring and introduced two new functionalities: a slideshow of Mini Nerdchandise available at Cafe Press (find it at the bottom of the sidebar), and the Monstermasher (up top).



The latter is a realization of randomized exquisite corpses for Mini Nerd readers courtesy of a classic illustration toy dear to dork chilluns of the 80s (including myself): the Mighty Men and Monster Maker. I bought a scanner specifically for the purpose of getting the wicked interchangeable art plates from the Maker into digital format for the Masher. Then Dave laid down some sweet code to build Vampire Ape Mad Scientist Superhero Mummies for us all.

Awwwwwwww jazzy.

Please enjoy the fruits of our labor, and if you're able, help support Mini Nerd in its second year online by picking up a Blorthos Cap, a Vampyric Horse Saddlebag, or a Mini Thong. We've also got t-shirts, bumper stickers, buttons, mugs and steins aplenty!

Here are photos from what was a great (if short) visit with my lifelong friend. I thank his wife, nascent kid, and cats for letting me borrow him a few days. Let's make it an annual tradition!


He cooks.




He codes.




He's a keeper.

Feelin' It

So today's the official Last Day of Winter.

And though we've still got some snow on the ground here, I sense spring coiled and ready to sproing.

My time away's left me refreshed, excited, and horny as all get out. Plus, my meaning-monger radar's up. Walking along the street to fetch ingredients for tonight's dinner, I eyeballed myself a sweet triptych of chaos magick underfoot to get the evening (and perhaps the season) started: a page of somebody's screenplay made with the Final Draft demo version (I bent over to read it and found properly formatted but BORING dialogue), a discarded elastic curled into what I can only describe as a double vesica piscis, and a single die rolled (out of a dumpster, likely) to its #1.

It was great visiting with the fam, the Mbut, and Gramps. I got caught up on my backlogged magazine reading, started three new books (yay Teresa!), and worked my way through the 13 Years of Wax Trax! boxset, which was wonderful and has certainly inspired some ideas for April mixes. In the meantime, now I'm home, I'll do up a couple more rock mashups to finish out this month's theme, and I can also say Blorthos has been making noises (rather moist and feral noises) about getting a post up here soon.

Me, I'm itching to get my bike off Tacx and onto pavement, it's so nice outside. But not quite yet...I'll have to settle for running tonight without so many clothes on. Who knows? I may not even need a tuque (not toque, as Gweinz has learned me).

No tuque?!

Ah, the possibilities.

And that, my friends, is what spring is all about.

Big. Nose.

[k-zzzt] Yeeehaa!!! [k-thunk]

[chikkity] I gots meself a new horsie, Lordy Blooddyke! [chunk]

[zzt] He sure is shiny. And fast. And knows him way home. [k-bzt]

[a-chicka] We sure is comin', all right. [k-chikkity]

[zzt] And guess who else? Do ye see what I'um see? [ker-thunk]





[chickazzt] Yes sirree! Blorthos and Farblachht! [bzzt]

[zzz] We'll be wit ye soon! [chikkizzzt]

Farblachht. Molostros.

The keynote speech for this weekend's Symposium of Slaughter is delivered by our esteemed enfant terrible, fresh from the pits of Orthos and making a bloody impression on the Plains of Azunai with his trademark dual-pounders and mammoth sledge. Tonight he shares his refined techniques so feared and revered on the pockmarked killing fields. Harpies and gentleunmen, I give you


Farblachht Molostros!



Hh-hm.

Hello.

I AM FARBLACHHT!!!

Yes.

When approach enemy with speed and power, sometime target run. If run, follow, maybe increase stride.

If not run, engage immediate.

Grip weapon handle firm, believe in strength of hit as swing heavy object. Bone shatter usual upon impact, if perform right. Follow-through also important. Keep driving flow of pounder in wide arc with legs apart in balance stance.

If blood, tissue fly at armor, duck aside to preserve shine. If helm start to fall from head, bend body to keep aloft. Be sure gloves catch light, if there. Fight in subterranean tunnel? No concern. Stand polished boot near guttering torch and achieve best look. Keep elbow, knee loose, springy. Never stiffen pose.

When enemy drift apart in many chunk, look away or toward next enemy. Not linger gaze on flying flesh-segment, occasional bloody. Instead, move smooth to next position, force pounder strong. If need, scream death cry, maintain tempo.

Not loud, not low, just fine where scare new enemy or attract larger, fight-lusty opponent.

Face any or all with courage and valor. If bigger than, hit lower, soft area or pounce high to pound skull. Neck good for break, if can access. Not recommend tear spine from moist inner cavity: lack class, demonstrate poor style.

If smaller than, any advance okay. Mayhap leap and spin in circle, cross weapon in air, bring steady to helpless target. If slash from out in, separate enemy in half, quarter. Involve leg in manoevre also: dance foot and thigh like acrobat.

Remember: all attack fine, but show attention to form, appear. Choose weapon that match outfit. Coordinate color of evil glow with own skin tone. Select target for distributed innard pick up eye color, pop accessory. Never overpower. Stay control.

Yes.

And.

Take question from audience now.

Blorthos Recommends

I am Blorthos Malamakk. You are not. So, I tell you what to buy.

Time of season come when you get thing for who not kill you.

Must get good thing, or should die.

Look close, see answer. Sing along if want.

Cousin Farblachht, pretty young one of family, model thing today.

First Day Christmas

Puny Hammer of Laughable Damage



Poky Knife of Silly Puncture



These thing waste of gold but good for child, maybe woman. Put in stocking for joke. Even pretty Farblachht not make look good.



Two Day Christmas

Stylish Dagger of Attractive Slaughter



Studded Mace of Sudden Whompage



Blorthos fell many Morden-Urg with set. All hit to ugly face and stinking body produce strong thud, good destruction of enemy. Cousin Farblachht like also.



Christmas Third One

Questionable Blade of Fluttery Slapping



Stupid sword look like fish. Still, kill easy most Ha'Ku, some Vulk.



Four Days Christmas

Generic Sword of Reliable Slashing



Your grandpa wield this stick, drop most ancient Bracken Defender, Boarbeast. Collectible, get two and maybe match well-dress cousin.



Five Christmases

Spiked Pounder of Certain Mangling



Put dent or hole in enemy fast, sometime see inside tunnel open spill. Good, recommend. HAHA look how small Farblachht look! He need two Pounder even graze Maltratar or Sand Reaper, never mind angry Kragen! HAHA!



Christmas Six

Serrated Paddle of Hesitant Reaming



What? More fish sword? Stupid, think. And right. But give shiny color, so fashion prince cousin like. Oh, I make him mad now! Want unleash rage on frozen enemy! HAHA, not hit me Farblachht, I on internet tube serie!



Christmas Time Seven

Horned Club of Sociable Battery



If attend special holiday banquet where give gift back forth, not do worse than two decorative club Farblachht like so much he rest on slumber mound with. Be talk of party, then slay quick all Thrusk, Scrub Boar, even Rotten Twisted Shail.



Eight Day

Legendary Pike of Absolute Wreckage



Name all. Jabbing Tharva. Tacklak Basher. Kurgan. Outcast Vasp. Sangor, Thrine, Naldrun. Lertisk, Flaypick, Durvla. Klask! BRALL!!! Not matter, any. All die if face Legendary Pike. Much gold, great honor. Why poor Farblachht look so sad? He not like backdrop. Pout lip like baby.



Somehow, this better. Now Farblachht pose with power.



Ten of Christmas

Piledriving Axe of Great Death



Stuff getting good. Blorthos stand behind recommend Piledriving Axe for dispatch Gorgak, Adolescent Taugrim mostly. Farblachht say Plagued Larvax, Boggrot too. Not agree, though if hit Kurtle or Skitter hard enough, explode like festive ornament. Weapon easy for wrap also, person never guess.



Christmas to Eleven

Dual Katana of Frenzied Dismemberment



Hurry fast and now. Katana fly off shelf. Many close relative sure be dead by daybreak when happy gift owner joyful fling about effective weapon. Cousin Farblachht so happy model glowing sword, he on top Christmas world!



Twelfth

Mammoth Sledge of Swift Flattening



Younger, prettier cousin get open portal to good vacation destination, no gold taken. Why not Blorthos deserve? Make whole post for human blog site, take long! No reward, not even health potion. Here stupid Farblachht model best Christmas weapon, Mammoth Sledge. It kill very good if any enemy near, but on island, nothing. So Blorthos recommend Farblachht hit self hard and again until make hit points zero, need magical lady for revive. Merry celebration.



Enough,

The End

All right, let's get this party started.

It's the end of 2006, and there's lots to celebrate.


Doug finished his first act, congrats!

Bill and Walt published their second book, wicked!

Tanya's moving to California, sweet!

Lisa got promoted, disco!!!

Julie's freelancing!

So am I!

Kevin found a team for spring!

Dave and Lena are pregnant!!!

Edie's smiling a lot!

Robs and Trevs are angling for a house!

Ryan's Outsiders is premiering!

Comrade's going strong!

Christen's teaching in the desert!

DJ's officially a Canadian!

Carl and Julianne are engaged!

Tara's joined us 30somethings!

Shannon's still in Canada!


And much, much more.

Good grief, what a year.

I've promised a Down South wrapup, and that's coming. After all, it's getting pretty cold here at Mini Nerd - all the more reason to say goodbye to fall.

I hinted at an update, and that's coming too. Thanks to Trevor for giving me a good excuse to make those posts I've been itching to for many weeks.

And all along, I've been plinking away at updating the site proper. Regular readers will notice more new functionality in the navbar. The F.O.R.G.E.'s been updated with several hundred new words for us Dungeons & Dragons knobs, plus it's been joined by Gruntage, a nod back in time to high school and a language my peeps and I forged to comment, ridiculously, on just about anything. Give it a click and try to pronounce!

Flirting on and off with a slideshow feature, I eventually discarded it because the thing was slowing down pageloads like nobody's business. In its place, we added a couple Videos (one from Down South, and the other a nod back to the early 2000s, when we made a grab for placement in the Big Rock Eddies faux beer commercial contest). I'll post it here, since it suits the season (snow and sauce, natch):



The "Geek Gifts" I've been steadily adding for about a month now are finally, fully live, comprising the comic books I really loved so far in my life and want you to love too, if only you'd take a chance and buy one from Amazon. Trust me, I wouldn't hawk 'em if they weren't cool. Got one open-minded nerd bone in your body? Then click, read and entertain yourself. There's some fun stuff.

For those who care, I can say with some certainty Big Nose Barney, Blorthos Malamakk, AND Lord Blooddyke will all make an appearance before year-end. They've each been absent from the Mini Nerd mainstage for a while, but ever watching from the wings and waiting for their moments of closure (or continuation).

Lastly but not leastly, up top right we've got the usual XML link for those of you who access Mini Nerd through your RSS readers - but this month out, it's accompanied by an XMAS link, which will get you a playlist I've compiled for your holiday enjoyment. It's appropriate for decorating trees, drinking eggnog (laced or not), shopping and wrapping, and of course, waking up Christmas morn with yer loved ones. Please partake. Christmas music always gets me weepy - especially the sacred stuff - and I've put some decent hours into compiling the best I could find. (You'll need Windows Media Player for the .m3u file to work, I think. Sorry!)

In closing; in opening:

Friends, folks, alla youse - let's send 2006 out with a bang, not a whimper. We're all one year older, one year wiser (hopefully). Dunno about you, but I'm ready for some festive. So bring it on. May the final four of this annum be ones to remember.

Cheers,
Steebn

Blorthos Advises

I am Blorthos Malamakk. You are not. So, I tell you what to do.

Dear Blorthos,

I just got married and let me tell you, what a thrill to commit to spending the rest of my life with the man of my dreams. There's just one problem. My new mother-in-law. She's been over here at our place every second day it seems, giving hubby advice on everything from curtain choices to fertility techniques (the new boxers she's making him wear are about as far from form-fitting and sporty as you can get).

Thing is, he's totally okay with this. It's like he never left home and he's happy to have Mom around to take care of all these things even a grown man apparently can't come to grips with. I'm not ashamed to admit I'm starting to feel like the "other woman", who doesn't have enough experience, wisdom, or a deep-enough connection with my own freaking husband to make the best choices for him in clothing, decor, reproductive readiness - even home entertainment systems, if you can believe it.

What should I do, Blorthos?

Sincerely yours,
Out-Of-Control Freak

Hmm.

This big problem. Three step.

1) Select double-blade axe.
2) Run at "mother-in-law".
3) Swing axe many time. She grunt if hit her.
4) Sometime miss. Keep going make point gone.
4) Finish. Loot corpse.

BONUS STEP: Loot everything in room fast right away.

Regard,

I Like Snakes

Guest writer Dave continues his welcome stint here on Mini Nerd, channeling Blorthos Malamakk - a dim (but passionate) barbarian who enjoys killing deer.

THE CHRONICLES OF BLORTHOS, CHAPTER 16

Blorthos addressed the smoky room: "I'll find this Chaos of which you speak. And I'll bring it to the pigs, whose snuffles and snouts amuse me so!"

Blorthos, in his mind, reviewed the type and style of headlock he would be applying next. Envisioning the next move was key to ensuring its happening.

Blorthos, a study in barely controlled rage, realized that his perceived toughness was being compromised by this little dragon-pansy. How could he continue the slaughter with this puff twittering and sparkling gloriously beside him?

Blorthos thought for a time: he really did like snakes.

Blothos regarded the pudding with disgust. He would not try that.

Blorthos pointed at the pig corpse. "I cannot refute the dying statement of this witness!" Feeling as though he had somehow won the day, he left the village.

The tusked pig squealed in agreement.

Blorthos watched the scantily-clad tavern dancer. He was certain. She too liked snakes.

Blorthos reddened under his antler helm. He had not meant to flatten the halfling at all.

Blorthos had a clear thought: he would open that sarcophagus!

"One day I'll have me own tobacco farm," annouced the cheerful halfling. Blorthos smiled. He liked this little man.

Blorthos handed the gloves to the spell lady. "What is?" he asked. Blorthos hoped they were fighting gloves, but knew they were probably another pair made special for Bards.

Blorthos decided. They had gone too far! The cocoons were going to get it!

Blorthos shook his head at these men, whose dreams were only of tilling the earth and living quietly.

Grol Hardslab looked into the dark eyesockets of the Stag Helm. There would be no challenge of this barrel-chested giant.

Blorthos crossed his arms and beheld the spectacle. He had performed a goodly and complete trampling of the halfling gathering.

Scratching wistfully, Blorthos wondered how all that information fit into those tiny little tubes.

Horns clattering, Blorthos tried in vain to fit his colossal noggin through the merchant doorway.

The three elves were disgusted. How could this antlered cretin have saved the Realm?!

Like a bolt fired from a crossbow, the gnome was fired through the tavern wall. Blorthos would not tolerate that kind of remark.

After standing motionless for an eternity, Blorthos finally called out, "I am stuck in this barrel!"

Summoned to a kindred spirit, the pixie was horrorstruck to discover it was adventuring with what could only be described as a club-monster of sorts, wearing a deer head.

One thing was for certain. This orc throne was going to get a beating (from Blorthos - Ed.).

The three badgers never knew what hit them.

When the brawl was over, only one was left standing. Blorthos Malamakk, and he was dead drunk to boot!

Blorthos understood death was expensive. But dammit, 3000 gold?

For the first time, Blorthos knew pause. The elves seemed to be...washing...

The sludge knoll beheld his opponent - who, despite his size and obvious girth, had managed to double himself over by tangling his misshapen helm in the thistlewart brush of the path.

The rot ogre brought his hammer-fists down hard upon the head of this annoyingly rotund barbarian. He was told, as response, to pray to whatever gods or somesuch.

Blorthos scraped the stuff from the bottom of his foot. The jellies disgusted him.

Blorthos tried again to hold both weapons, but instead just drew out his massive axe. Why wasn't it working?! He had seen other people hold stuff in each hand!

"HA! HA-HA! HA-HA-HA!" he yelled. Blorthos was happy.

Wrongly assuming, the goblin elite encircled the Stag-Helmed warrior who had managed to catch one of his antlers on a guttering torch within the warren.

For reasons beyond his own comprehension, Blorthos wept when he saw that dire boar charge.

"Alack! Alack!" cried the elves. "The giant is fallen! His antlers lodged fast in the pebbl'd earth!"

"Fey! Goodfellows, behold! The lummox doth todder through yonder marsh! Clearly the fool hath lost himself."

"'Tis a brute for certain. But friend or fiend, we've yet to discern his demeanor. Approach with care and ready your dart: his chest is ruddy and wide with untapp'd strength."

"Get big guy!" called the orc champion to his mob. His tactics were clear to all under his command.

Good grief. Things are looking grim for Blorthos! What lies in wait?