Shootout
The most enjoyable time for me in 2006 (besides Christmas, which was perfect) took place Down South in North Carolina with my gracious hosts Mike and Carolyn.
Regular readers saw the barrage of earlier image posts and now, to wrap up coverage of my summer vacation, I present a final batch of pics to commemorate the trip.
My dear friend Mike and I are both photogs, shutterbugs, snapaholics...choose your preferred slightly-derogatory term. Too, we often share the same eye, looking at things in markedly similar ways. To demonstrate this phenomenon - and give this post some hook - I'm hosting an unsolicited competition.
Now, we'll see just how closely Mr Helms and I observed the same American destinations, tourist-approved or not, and decide, once and for all, who captured them best.
Before we begin, I must point out this activity was not planned, rehearsed or staged in any way whatsoevah. I noticed the likenesses while browsing photos after I returned home, and decided weeks ago that the contest was warranted.
LET'S GET READY TO RUUUUUMMMMMBBBBBBLLLLLEEEEE!!!
ROUND 1 - DUKE UNIVERSITY
Our battle begins on the richly-appointed campus of Duke.
Challenge: immortalize in pixels the architectural detail of this fine post-secondary institution.
Not surprisingly, our two boys from the sticks start with nature's erected monuments...the trees.
Helms leads with a humbling view of a towering structure...
Reese counters with a below-the-belt look at its humble roots:
The Mini Nerd judging panel is ready to call it a tie, but Reese throws a very unsportsmanlike fit. "Don't even think of going up against me when it comes to trees!!!" he yells, tossing two more images into the mix:
Unmoved, the judges let the original ruling stand.
Nonplussed, the infuriated Reese demands another tree tussle.
Helms opens with a sturdy head-on view...
Reese delivers a "startling glimpse of this great plant's majesty, set against a tasteful yet subtle hint of appropriate Duke backdrop" (his words):
Reese's mild attempt at photographic juxtaposition notwithstanding, the judges maintain their tie position.
And suggest the boys move on to images of the actual university.
Helms angles for a continuation of the "towering erection" theme, with an exploration of Duke's church...
Then Reese presents his interpretation:
And now we begin to see the opponents' common approach to their photographic attacks.
Helms swings wide with a classic Duke image...
Reese jabs back with the addition of "a human element":
Helms takes a premature swipe with his sloppily-composed view of Duke archways...
...that Reese slams home with the proper, if poorly lit, framing:
Not to be outdone, Helms sticks with his plan of medium shots...
...which catches Reese off-balance for a canted impression:
Taking advantage of the swaying Reese, Helms serves up a sustained volley that lasts well into the evening hours and culminates with this masterful moon shot:
Reese tries feebly to return the blow, but this is all he can pull:
WINNER: HELMS
(Note: even Reese agrees with the ruling, the above being his favorite Helms photo of Duke.)
ROUND 2 - MUSEUM OF NATURAL HISTORY
With the battle heating up, our venue changes to the Museum of Natural History.
Reese gets things started with a quick, perhaps profane, grab of these suspended whales:
Helms opts to respect the museum's mandate with his family-friendly framing:
Not finished with whales, Helms lays down a solid bug's-eye-view of a floating skeleton:
Reese responds with the addition of "a fleshed element" (namely, Helms's wife):
Helms takes the fight to the terrestrial arena, staying "skinless":
Reese counters with an unexpected one-two punch, getting up-close and personal with Helms's dinosaur...
...and finishing with a hefty three-toed sloth!
In the temperate biome skirmish, Helms seeks to illustrate the transition from civilized space to wild hinterland...
...while Reese remains firmly among the forest creatures with another double-hit!
Panicked, Helms draws Reese away from the feral warrens and into realms of rock...
...but Reese brings along some fleshy humanity!!!
With Reese throwing down so hard, Helms decides to join the enemy and add some human interest (namely, Reese himself):
But Reese seizes the opportunity, turns up his lens, and returns to the animal kingdom!
Helms knows there is only one way to steal this round out from under Reese's stable footing...
By pulling the magic carpet of conspicuous self-regard:
So distracted by this image of himself, Reese is easily pummeled.
WINNER: HELMS
ROUND 3 - STATE CAPITOL
The action continues at this most hallowed of halls!
Challenge: honor North Carolina with the most esteemed photos of its capitol.
Reese begins with an artistic rendering framed by his trademark tree trunk and requisite tongue-in-cheek aside, a "Please Keep Off The Grass" sign:
But Reese is in the wrong country entirely. Here, Helms reigns supreme with a prideful, art-drained, humorless composition:
Demoralized, Reese gets on his knees to honor a statue...
...but Helms dominates with this unexpected overhead:
Reese strategizes to follow Helms's lead in the new cage match, with his first tactic launched in the capitol study:
No matter. Helms easily beats him down:
The skill gap is even more apparent in the capitol library. Reese:
Helms:
Bloodied, weary, Reese snaps an indisputably crappy pic of the "green room":
Helms breezes into another staggering blow...
...but isn't content until landing a resounding uppercut!
In a moment of extremis, Reese reaches a dazed epiphany and manages a passable punch with his realization of the "blue" room...
But it's too late. Too late by far. Helms seals his victory with a spectacular K.O.:
WINNER: HELMS
Asked afterward about the last thing he saw before blacking out, Reese admits it was a "lovely white light shining down on me from above to illuminate the center of my being".
ROUND 4 - THE BLUR
Challenge: to present the best blurred photo.
Reese sets himself the task of turning the tide, and finds hidden reserves of strength.
Helms laughs in the face of these reserves. He starts by capturing Reese at his lowest point, still defeated in the State Capitol:
But Reese calls on his powers of time travel to preserve Helms back inside the tree at the Museum of Natural History:
Stunned, Helms falls back, and Reese drives a powerful left:
Irritated, the judges rule Reese's left jab inadmissable as being only "marginally blurred".
This stokes Reese's fury, and the next round begins in earnest!
ROUND 5 - HELMS'S WIFE
Challenge (set by Reese): get the best photo of Carolyn.
Fighting dirty now, Reese drags Helms's wife into the fray. But he's altogether too cocky from his recent near-win; immodesty gets the better of him and Carolyn ends up as a cursory background element in this otherwise egotistical self-portrait:
Citing superior visual knowledge of his wife, Helms captures her discerning eye browsing a Duke University course catalog:
But Reese has the upper hand! He reveals a semi-erotic suckerpunch of Carolyn caught sleeping beautifully with her dark curls tossed by the southern breeze!!!
WINNER: REESE
Enraged, Helms prevents his wife from leaving the ring and stages his attack anew!
ROUND 6 - HELMS'S WIFE, PART II
Challenge: get the best photo of Carolyn with the opponent.
Flushed from his victory, Reese opens with a decent photo of Helms and Carolyn at dinner in the "Wild Turkey Lounge". Plain are Helms's belief of superiority and also, fatally, Carolyn's disgust at being involved in this petty scrap. Strike one for Reese!
Buoyed, Helms follows with a photo of Reese and Carolyn at lunch in the Museum of Natural History! Reese had no idea Helms also possessed powers of time travel! He's flabbergasted at this notable retaliation...
...but not enough to stay him from producing the deathblow - Helms and his wife seated on false horses screaming their excitement for all to see!
WINNER: REESE
Helms knows it's time to knuckle down.
ROUND 7 - PANCAKE HOUSE
Challenge (set by Helms): prove the trashiness of the establishment photographically.
Confident in his strategy, Helms opens with this revolting ceiling:
Reese stands by his rendition of a frightening drink:
Helms refuses to relent, deepening his assault with a close-up of a product that is recognizably neither butter nor margarine:
Reese ups the gross-out factor by featuring a despicable quantity of the stuff:
Sneak attack! Helms exercises husband's privilege and USES his wife to seal the deal!
Carolyn's repulsion at the Pancake House menu cannot be bested. Feeling cheap, she removes herself forcibly from the competition. But not before her husband triumphs.
WINNER: HELMS
It's down to the crunch now, with neither contender willing to give up a lead. Putting aside the pictographic pugilism, they take up blades as weapons of choice.
ROUND 8 - KNIFE SALE
Challenge: convey the inherent classiness of this parking-lot weapon sales environment.
Helms moves swiftly from the en-garde position to a lunging strike with his inaugural image:
Reese deflects the glancing blow with a clean slice:
Helms dodges aside, feinting expertly:
Without hesitation, Reese slashes back:
Getting to the meat of the matter, Helms cuts to the point:
And though Reese cleaves the fat away...
...the clear victor is the fencer most familiar with this land of abundant epees (and lo, parking-lot shuriken, too):
WINNER: HELMS
After a quick stop at the shooting range, the boys take the battle to the backroads.
ROUND 9 - RURAL REAL ESTATE
Our two cowboys are no strangers to dirt-road mansions aplenty. So the judges set them a task equal to their shared visions:
Challenge: depict with dignity a countryside structure.
Evenly matched, the shooters nail the bullseye right off the bat. Helms:
Reese:
Seeing he missed the crucial Coke freezer, Helms focuses on it for his second shot:
But Reese is expecting that and aims his digital six-shooter for the whole shebang:
The judges deliberate...and call it a--
DRAW!
It all comes down to this. One last shootout. The subject:
ROUND 10 - THEMSELVES
Challenge: photograph your mortal enemy.
Reese upgrades to a rifle and spends some serious buckshot to start - Helms in his natural environment, the motor vehicle:
Helms follows suit and achieves for his first peal across the bow, Reese in his vehicular environment - the passenger seat:
Amping his tactics, Reese loads a nasty gatling gun, capturing Helms's "essential character" (that of the attentive teacher):
That doesn't intimidate Helms at all. He responds with his own vicious rattle of well-placed bullets - Reese's "essential character":
Now it's a bazooka Reese aims at his opponent - Helms in "an unusual moment"; in this case, holding a six-pack of beer:
Helms prepares his dreaded cannon, firing off a load of "Reese in an unusual moment":
The judges halt the exchange!
After careful consideration, they deem Helms's photo inadmissable. Kicking himself in the ass with his own two hands is not that unusual for competitor Reese.
Enboldened, the Mini Nerd musters arms and detonates his ultimate P-bomb, the "favorite photo of a true, old friend":
And the judges have to agree.
This photo battle is OVAH.
Who won?
You decide.
Regular readers saw the barrage of earlier image posts and now, to wrap up coverage of my summer vacation, I present a final batch of pics to commemorate the trip.
My dear friend Mike and I are both photogs, shutterbugs, snapaholics...choose your preferred slightly-derogatory term. Too, we often share the same eye, looking at things in markedly similar ways. To demonstrate this phenomenon - and give this post some hook - I'm hosting an unsolicited competition.
Now, we'll see just how closely Mr Helms and I observed the same American destinations, tourist-approved or not, and decide, once and for all, who captured them best.
Before we begin, I must point out this activity was not planned, rehearsed or staged in any way whatsoevah. I noticed the likenesses while browsing photos after I returned home, and decided weeks ago that the contest was warranted.
LET'S GET READY TO RUUUUUMMMMMBBBBBBLLLLLEEEEE!!!
Our battle begins on the richly-appointed campus of Duke.
Challenge: immortalize in pixels the architectural detail of this fine post-secondary institution.
Not surprisingly, our two boys from the sticks start with nature's erected monuments...the trees.
Helms leads with a humbling view of a towering structure...
Reese counters with a below-the-belt look at its humble roots:
The Mini Nerd judging panel is ready to call it a tie, but Reese throws a very unsportsmanlike fit. "Don't even think of going up against me when it comes to trees!!!" he yells, tossing two more images into the mix:
Unmoved, the judges let the original ruling stand.
Nonplussed, the infuriated Reese demands another tree tussle.
Helms opens with a sturdy head-on view...
Reese delivers a "startling glimpse of this great plant's majesty, set against a tasteful yet subtle hint of appropriate Duke backdrop" (his words):
Reese's mild attempt at photographic juxtaposition notwithstanding, the judges maintain their tie position.
And suggest the boys move on to images of the actual university.
Helms angles for a continuation of the "towering erection" theme, with an exploration of Duke's church...
Then Reese presents his interpretation:
And now we begin to see the opponents' common approach to their photographic attacks.
Helms swings wide with a classic Duke image...
Reese jabs back with the addition of "a human element":
Helms takes a premature swipe with his sloppily-composed view of Duke archways...
...that Reese slams home with the proper, if poorly lit, framing:
Not to be outdone, Helms sticks with his plan of medium shots...
...which catches Reese off-balance for a canted impression:
Taking advantage of the swaying Reese, Helms serves up a sustained volley that lasts well into the evening hours and culminates with this masterful moon shot:
Reese tries feebly to return the blow, but this is all he can pull:
(Note: even Reese agrees with the ruling, the above being his favorite Helms photo of Duke.)
With the battle heating up, our venue changes to the Museum of Natural History.
Reese gets things started with a quick, perhaps profane, grab of these suspended whales:
Helms opts to respect the museum's mandate with his family-friendly framing:
Not finished with whales, Helms lays down a solid bug's-eye-view of a floating skeleton:
Reese responds with the addition of "a fleshed element" (namely, Helms's wife):
Helms takes the fight to the terrestrial arena, staying "skinless":
Reese counters with an unexpected one-two punch, getting up-close and personal with Helms's dinosaur...
...and finishing with a hefty three-toed sloth!
In the temperate biome skirmish, Helms seeks to illustrate the transition from civilized space to wild hinterland...
...while Reese remains firmly among the forest creatures with another double-hit!
Panicked, Helms draws Reese away from the feral warrens and into realms of rock...
...but Reese brings along some fleshy humanity!!!
With Reese throwing down so hard, Helms decides to join the enemy and add some human interest (namely, Reese himself):
But Reese seizes the opportunity, turns up his lens, and returns to the animal kingdom!
Helms knows there is only one way to steal this round out from under Reese's stable footing...
By pulling the magic carpet of conspicuous self-regard:
So distracted by this image of himself, Reese is easily pummeled.
ROUND 3 - STATE CAPITOL
The action continues at this most hallowed of halls!
Challenge: honor North Carolina with the most esteemed photos of its capitol.
Reese begins with an artistic rendering framed by his trademark tree trunk and requisite tongue-in-cheek aside, a "Please Keep Off The Grass" sign:
But Reese is in the wrong country entirely. Here, Helms reigns supreme with a prideful, art-drained, humorless composition:
Demoralized, Reese gets on his knees to honor a statue...
...but Helms dominates with this unexpected overhead:
Reese strategizes to follow Helms's lead in the new cage match, with his first tactic launched in the capitol study:
No matter. Helms easily beats him down:
The skill gap is even more apparent in the capitol library. Reese:
Helms:
Bloodied, weary, Reese snaps an indisputably crappy pic of the "green room":
Helms breezes into another staggering blow...
...but isn't content until landing a resounding uppercut!
In a moment of extremis, Reese reaches a dazed epiphany and manages a passable punch with his realization of the "blue" room...
But it's too late. Too late by far. Helms seals his victory with a spectacular K.O.:
Asked afterward about the last thing he saw before blacking out, Reese admits it was a "lovely white light shining down on me from above to illuminate the center of my being".
Challenge: to present the best blurred photo.
Reese sets himself the task of turning the tide, and finds hidden reserves of strength.
Helms laughs in the face of these reserves. He starts by capturing Reese at his lowest point, still defeated in the State Capitol:
But Reese calls on his powers of time travel to preserve Helms back inside the tree at the Museum of Natural History:
Stunned, Helms falls back, and Reese drives a powerful left:
Irritated, the judges rule Reese's left jab inadmissable as being only "marginally blurred".
This stokes Reese's fury, and the next round begins in earnest!
Challenge (set by Reese): get the best photo of Carolyn.
Fighting dirty now, Reese drags Helms's wife into the fray. But he's altogether too cocky from his recent near-win; immodesty gets the better of him and Carolyn ends up as a cursory background element in this otherwise egotistical self-portrait:
Citing superior visual knowledge of his wife, Helms captures her discerning eye browsing a Duke University course catalog:
But Reese has the upper hand! He reveals a semi-erotic suckerpunch of Carolyn caught sleeping beautifully with her dark curls tossed by the southern breeze!!!
Enraged, Helms prevents his wife from leaving the ring and stages his attack anew!
Challenge: get the best photo of Carolyn with the opponent.
Flushed from his victory, Reese opens with a decent photo of Helms and Carolyn at dinner in the "Wild Turkey Lounge". Plain are Helms's belief of superiority and also, fatally, Carolyn's disgust at being involved in this petty scrap. Strike one for Reese!
Buoyed, Helms follows with a photo of Reese and Carolyn at lunch in the Museum of Natural History! Reese had no idea Helms also possessed powers of time travel! He's flabbergasted at this notable retaliation...
...but not enough to stay him from producing the deathblow - Helms and his wife seated on false horses screaming their excitement for all to see!
Helms knows it's time to knuckle down.
Challenge (set by Helms): prove the trashiness of the establishment photographically.
Confident in his strategy, Helms opens with this revolting ceiling:
Reese stands by his rendition of a frightening drink:
Helms refuses to relent, deepening his assault with a close-up of a product that is recognizably neither butter nor margarine:
Reese ups the gross-out factor by featuring a despicable quantity of the stuff:
Sneak attack! Helms exercises husband's privilege and USES his wife to seal the deal!
Carolyn's repulsion at the Pancake House menu cannot be bested. Feeling cheap, she removes herself forcibly from the competition. But not before her husband triumphs.
It's down to the crunch now, with neither contender willing to give up a lead. Putting aside the pictographic pugilism, they take up blades as weapons of choice.
Challenge: convey the inherent classiness of this parking-lot weapon sales environment.
Helms moves swiftly from the en-garde position to a lunging strike with his inaugural image:
Reese deflects the glancing blow with a clean slice:
Helms dodges aside, feinting expertly:
Without hesitation, Reese slashes back:
Getting to the meat of the matter, Helms cuts to the point:
And though Reese cleaves the fat away...
...the clear victor is the fencer most familiar with this land of abundant epees (and lo, parking-lot shuriken, too):
WINNER: HELMS
After a quick stop at the shooting range, the boys take the battle to the backroads.
Our two cowboys are no strangers to dirt-road mansions aplenty. So the judges set them a task equal to their shared visions:
Challenge: depict with dignity a countryside structure.
Evenly matched, the shooters nail the bullseye right off the bat. Helms:
Reese:
Seeing he missed the crucial Coke freezer, Helms focuses on it for his second shot:
But Reese is expecting that and aims his digital six-shooter for the whole shebang:
The judges deliberate...and call it a--
It all comes down to this. One last shootout. The subject:
Challenge: photograph your mortal enemy.
Reese upgrades to a rifle and spends some serious buckshot to start - Helms in his natural environment, the motor vehicle:
Helms follows suit and achieves for his first peal across the bow, Reese in his vehicular environment - the passenger seat:
Amping his tactics, Reese loads a nasty gatling gun, capturing Helms's "essential character" (that of the attentive teacher):
That doesn't intimidate Helms at all. He responds with his own vicious rattle of well-placed bullets - Reese's "essential character":
Now it's a bazooka Reese aims at his opponent - Helms in "an unusual moment"; in this case, holding a six-pack of beer:
Helms prepares his dreaded cannon, firing off a load of "Reese in an unusual moment":
The judges halt the exchange!
After careful consideration, they deem Helms's photo inadmissable. Kicking himself in the ass with his own two hands is not that unusual for competitor Reese.
Enboldened, the Mini Nerd musters arms and detonates his ultimate P-bomb, the "favorite photo of a true, old friend":
And the judges have to agree.
This photo battle is OVAH.
Who won?
You decide.
Labels: down south, michael helms
posted by Stephen Reese at
6:54 PM
1 Comments:
Your friend shoots amazing photos. Yours are okay, too. ;)
By
Lisa, at 02 January, 2007
Post a Comment
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