Bachelor Bacchanal (Not)
So what is it bachelors do again?
Lemme run through the checklist here and see if I can turn up any missed gems to fill my idle hours with.
1) Set up passionless, functional single bed (they call it a twin, which is a misnomer because any attempt at co-slumber upon such, let alone vigorous sexual activity, would result in the capsizing or possible paralysis of any or all parties involved).
Check.
2) Decorate the space. And by "decorate", I mean erect two towering CD stands, position a bookshelf and cover it in books, fill a bin full of books and then fill another bin, also with books.
Done.
3) Demonstrate ability to make spaghetti of one type with ease and confidence. Display this talent to none but myself. Eat the results with pride and enthusiasm of diminishing intensity.
Done like dinner.
4) Revel in complete sovereignty over the remote control. No diplomacy, bribery or outright warfare required on Planet Me. Total televisual domination. Yep, yep.
Yawn.
5) That bed I mentioned earlier? Get off it in the morning allowing only enough time for just me to perform necessary ablutions and clothing selection before livelihood-related departure - and sometimes not even enough time for that.
Zzzzz.
That's it?
I honestly can't think of anything else. I'm too old to throw all-night parties, pursue an all-pizza diet, or enforce an all-movie poster decor. Or at least, these pursuits lack the appeal they once held for me.
Yep, I'm a geezer.
Also a bachelor.
And bored.
Lemme run through the checklist here and see if I can turn up any missed gems to fill my idle hours with.
1) Set up passionless, functional single bed (they call it a twin, which is a misnomer because any attempt at co-slumber upon such, let alone vigorous sexual activity, would result in the capsizing or possible paralysis of any or all parties involved).
Check.
2) Decorate the space. And by "decorate", I mean erect two towering CD stands, position a bookshelf and cover it in books, fill a bin full of books and then fill another bin, also with books.
Done.
3) Demonstrate ability to make spaghetti of one type with ease and confidence. Display this talent to none but myself. Eat the results with pride and enthusiasm of diminishing intensity.
Done like dinner.
4) Revel in complete sovereignty over the remote control. No diplomacy, bribery or outright warfare required on Planet Me. Total televisual domination. Yep, yep.
Yawn.
5) That bed I mentioned earlier? Get off it in the morning allowing only enough time for just me to perform necessary ablutions and clothing selection before livelihood-related departure - and sometimes not even enough time for that.
Zzzzz.
That's it?
I honestly can't think of anything else. I'm too old to throw all-night parties, pursue an all-pizza diet, or enforce an all-movie poster decor. Or at least, these pursuits lack the appeal they once held for me.
Yep, I'm a geezer.
Also a bachelor.
And bored.
Labels: breakups
posted by Stephen Reese at
4:50 PM
3 Comments:
I *knew* the only thing you cooked was spaghetti! ;)
By
Lisa, at 23 May, 2006
Some things singles *don't* have to do....
- shop for shoes etc
- eat things they don't like because it's the other person's favourite, like squishy fishies
- same as above for TV shows, movies, music etc
- have family/friend obligations to people you barely know and can't relate to
- housework or laundry.... ever
- have matching towels you can't use, candles you can't burn, and clothes you can't put in the dryer
By
zeri, at 25 May, 2006
my favourite part of being single is the lack of drama.
By
Dawne, at 25 May, 2006
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